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Dom dom-inates (ooph!) Pat enunciates (down girls!) and Andy has a tinkle.  THE BENDY MONSTERS.  Now wash your hands, Pat. On the first day of (the ever-lengthening pre-amble to) Christmas, my true love gave to me...
A set of Bendy Monsters.

The Grapes, Trippett Lane, Sheffield
The Bendy Monsters
support: Avarice
Saturday 19 December 1998 at 9.00pm
Tickets: Darnall Music Factory 0114 2444603

go down... I mean read below..

The Bendy Monsters played their much-anticipated comeback gig at a "safe" house; The Grapes, Sheffield - their old stomping ground.

Defying any "advice" given from well-meaning critics, they stick to their Sheffield roots. The Bendies are a Sheffield kind of band - with a twist (a Bend?).

On the surface all urbane charm, but lurking beneath the veneer of witty banter and camaraderie beats the heart of darkness. Punk for the Millennium.

Kicking off for the first half, Sheffield band Avarice play a tight set. The 3-man outfit comprising Tim Crow, Paul Brownley and Dave Greaves (guitar/vocals, bass/backing vocals, drums) owe a little to Green Day in style.

They warm up the penny-conscious pre-Christmas crowd with a blinding mix of original material and Green Day covers.

Time for a beer and a packet of Walkers before the Main Event. And it is. An Event.

The Bendy Monsters Awake...


Pat (Tongue) Hancock Vocals
Dom (Mouth) Bradshaw Lead guitar
Chris (Legs) Wainwright Bass
Andy (Fingers) Fjord Keys

The Monsters, with a beer-fuelled sugar-rush, launch into "I Know You've Got Soul". Yes, they still have it

They steam through numbers from their "Top Trumps" and "The P45 Sessions" albums.

"Dear Michaela" and crowd-pleaser "The A To Z Of Dead Celebrities" are played acoustically due to Chris and Andy's poor beer-consumption scheduling.

A To Z still bites. Quintessentially English, it name-drops like Baz Bamigboye on speed, but has a black humour so dark it eats your children!

Dom! Send me this sound file.

By the time the full line-up belts out "Cloughie's Greenhouse", Pat's Lemsip is wearing off (he has the 'flu), so Dom chips in to beef up the vocals.

The end of the night and the audience is happy. Very happy. And the Monsters? Do they hang around signing autographs and receiving plaudits?

Nah! As Dom says "Seen it all, DONE it all, walking home." That's right Dom. Don't lose your (driving) license!

(Updated 26 December 1999)

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